Jack the Piper-Doodle

As i was going up the hill,

I met with Jack the piper;

And all the tune that he could play

Was “Tie up your petticoats tighter.”

I tied them once, I tied them twice,

I tied them three times over;

And all the song that he could sing

Was, “Carry me safe to Dover.”

On Knowing When to Stop

The woodchuck told it all about.
“I’m going to build a dwelling
Six stories high, up to the sky!”
He never tired of telling.

He dug the cellar smooth and well
But made no more advances;
That lovely hole so pleased his soul
And satisfied his fancies.

L. J. Bridgman

Mary Had a Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb,

Its fleece was white as snow;

And everywhere that Mary went

The lamb was sure to go.

 

It followed her to school one day,

That was against the rule;

It made the children laugh and play,

To see a lamb in school.

 

And so the teacher turned it out,

But still it lingered near,

And waited patiently about

Till Mary did appear.

 

Why does the lamb love mary so?

The eager children cry;

Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know,

The teacher did reply.

Faithless Nelly Gray

Ben Battle was a soldier bold,
And used to war’s alarms:
But a cannon-ball took off his legs,
So he laid down his arms!

Now, as they bore him off the field,
Said he, “Let others shoot,
For here I leave my second leg,
And the Forty-second Foot!”

The army surgeons made him limbs:
Said he, “They’re only pegs;
But there’s as wooden members quite,
As represent my legs!”

Now Ben he loved a pretty maid,
Her name was Nelly Gray;
So he went to pay her his devours
When he’d devoured his pay!

But when he called on Nelly Gray,
She made him quite a scoff;
And when she saw his wooden legs,
Began to take them off!

“O Nelly Gray! O Nelly Gray!
Is this your love so warm?
The love that loves a scarlet coat,
Should be more uniform!”

Said she, “I loved a soldier once,
For he was blithe and brave;
But I will never have a man
With both legs in the grave!”

“Before you had those timber toes,
Your love I did allow,
But then you know, you stand upon
Another footing now!”

“O Nelly Gray! O Nelly Gray!
For all your jeering speeches,
At duty’s call I left my legs
In Badajos’s breaches!”

“Why, then,” said she, “you’ve lost the feet
Of legs in war’s alarms,
And now you cannot wear your shoes
Upon your feats of arms!”

“Oh, false and fickle Nelly Gray;
I know why you refuse:
Though I’ve no feet—some other man
Is standing in my shoes!”

“I wish I ne’er had seen your face;
But now a long farewell!
For you will be my death—alas!
You will not be my Nell!”

Now, when he went from Nelly Gray,
His heart so heavy got—
And life was such a burden grown,
It made him take a knot!

So round his melancholy neck
A rope he did entwine,
And, for his second time in life
Enlisted in the Line!

One end he tied around a beam,
And then removed his pegs,
And as his legs were off,—of course,
He soon was off his legs!

And there he hung till he was dead
As any nail in town,—
For though distress had cut him up,
It could not cut him down!

A dozen men sat on his corpse,
To find out why he died—
And they buried Ben in four cross-roads,
With a stake in his inside!

Thomas Hood

If

If a man could live a thousand years,
When half his life had passed,
He might, by strict economy,
A fortune have amassed.

Then having gained some common-sense,
And knowledge, too, of life,
He could select the woman who
Would make him a true wife.

But as it is, man hasn’t time
To even pay his debts,
And weds to be acquainted with
The woman whom he gets.

H. C. Dodge

The Purple Cow

I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one.

ENVOI

Ah yes, I wrote the Purple Cow,
I’m sorry now I wrote it.
But I can tell you anyhow,
I’ll kill you if you quote it.

Gelett Burgess

Tweedledum and Tweedledee-Doodle

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

Agreed to fight a battle,

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee

Had spoiled his nice new rattle.

Just then flew by a monstrous crow,

As black as a tar-barrel,

Which frightened both the heroes so,

They quite forgot their quarrel.

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,

Had a wife and couldn’t keep her;

He put her in a pumpkin shell

And there he kept her very well.

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,

Had another, and didn’t love her;

Peter learned to read and spell,

And then he loved her very well.

Parson Gray

A quiet home had Parson Gray,
Secluded in a vale;
His daughters all were feminine,
And all his sons were male.

How faithfully did Parson Gray
The bread of life dispense—
Well “posted” in theology,
And post and rail his fence.

‘Gainst all the vices of the age
He manfully did battle;
His chickens were a biped breed,
And quadruped his cattle.

No clock more punctually went,
He ne’er delayed a minute—
Nor ever empty was his purse,
When he had money in it.

His piety was ne’er denied;
His truths hit saint and sinner;
At morn he always breakfasted;
He always dined at dinner.

He ne’er by any luck was grieved,
By any care perplexed—
No filcher he, though when he preached,
He always “took” a text.

As faithful characters he drew
As mortal ever saw;
But ah! poor parson! when he died,
His breath he could not draw!

Oliver Goldsmith.

Pippen Hill-Doodle

As I was going up Pippen Hill,

Pippen Hill was dirty,

There I met a pretty Miss,

And she dropped me a curtsy.

 

Little Miss, pretty Miss,

Blessings light upon you,

If I had half-a-crown a day,

I’d spend it all upon you.